"The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time."
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
"We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong."
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time."